http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1655415,00.html

http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/breakingnews/world/view_article.php?article_id=84753

We drove to high desert Bend, Oregon this past weekend. We spent the first day on the scenic route. We spent the night at Priniville. The next day was spent exploring beautiful downtown Bend and the Lava lands.

We spent the first day driving on Cascade Lakes Highway- an eighty-seven-mile signed highway through the Central Cascade Mountains, skirting nine alpine lakes. We stopped at Todd Lake and Cultus Lake. Todd Lake was so secluded and quiet we could hear the pin drops. Very nice. Although the route extends through a corridor of trees, lakes are easily accessible and usually within a mile of the main road. They are stocked frequently with rainbow trout, and contain other species.

The lakes had a slightly different landscape, compared to Lake Tahoe, CA. Lake Tahoe has nice long beaches, we could stop almost anywhere and still had a great view. But, it is not the same in Central Oregon where some lakes are accessible with about a mile off the highway.

The next day was spent exploring beautiful downtown Bend. The houses are beautiful in shades of warm orange and green, that match the landscape so well. Drake Park's Mirror Pond, the jewel of downtown Bend, is a small lake with ducks, Canadian geese, and a pair of swans from Queen Elizabeth's royal swannery in England.

We had a panoramic view of Bend and the volcanic peaks around it at Lava Butte. It was pretty warm in Central Oregon this time of the year, even at the elevations we went up to. Temp maybe about 70F min in the afternoon. Hubby only had one layer of clothing. There was some cool breeze, thus, I had an additional layer. But, it definitively will be cold in the winter due to the elevation.

We then proceed to Lava River Cave. We saw no bats in the Lava River Cave when we entered. They must be sleeping. We know there are a few bats and mice that inhabit the cave year- round. This was the first time I ventured in a cave. The cave was about 1646 m long. It is called a lava tube. Lava tubes begin as rivers of lava that flow in open channels just as normal rivers do.

Many places here for camping, hiking and water activities. But too bad I had bad memories of the army, otherwise, it would be a great love affair with Mother Nature. Camping would be the best and cheapest alternative to living in a house right by the lake/mountains.

I was glad to return home...nothing beats the nice soft bed and pillows.

I can't help but think of the gains, as well as the losses, we have made.       

I think moving around too often rendered it hard to foster close relationships with classmates and friends. It is hard for two individuals to have the same pursuits, unless they belong to a specific interest group, and let alone, convey daily experiences that shape us continually. Due to varied encounters, drifting apart in aspects, such as perspectives, desires, and values, is inevitable.

In high school, I was pretty much filled with ire, fueled by pain growing up. I was motivated to get out of my predicament and getting good grades were my only way to achieve that. It gave me a direction and hope through JC. Junior college was when I thought I had my last big break, because that was when I perceived ‘scholarships’ as a secured way to see myself through university. The ability to be free and independent will be my own salvation.

I met my husband when I was in the second year. I told my friends one time then, “he was like a knight in shiny armor”. This phrase may sound overly idealistic. He was the tenth person I dated. The previous dates lasted only one to three times of meetings each. I guess I was not one who lived for the moment. I just wanted to shun any possible emotional entanglements. Coursework was heavy, so time was precious. It was quite amazing how I could decide in the first few dates.

My husband-then-boyfriend and I communicated mostly by letters during the first 6 months we met. He was in California for his internship. He was everything I was looking for at that time. Smart, tall, dark and handsome….plus he would pen me poetry. He had a brilliant smile and a great personality to match it. I was simply swept off my feet. I remembered a phrase: Don't marry someone you can live with, but someone you cannot live without. We got married before my convocation and before he went to Germany for further studies. In those 2.5 years we dated through ROM, we only saw each other in person for about 15 months.

It was difficult maintaining a long distance marriage for several years- him in pursuit of his ambitions from Europe to America; I stuck in a job I found no satisfaction (except for the relatively high starting pay).

I always believed he had the mental strength to go through and obtain the higher degree. Acquiring several peer-reviewed awards in an outstanding graduate school simply reaffirmed my belief in his gift. The motivation to achieve the highest academics cannot be the prospect of earning the highest bucks, because it rarely is- it has got to be something beyond monetary gains.

I gave a lot of private tuition when I was working a full-time job in Sg. I could be having 4-5 students each month. It was exhausting giving so many nights and weekend tuitions after work. However, the rewards were relatively handsome, monetarily and emotionally. Giving private tuitions was ultimately sufficient to pay back my bond and I had just enough to cover tuition in US.

Thinking back brought mixed feelings to me. We only hosted 4 tables in my customary wedding dinner in CNY 2003. No wedding march-in, no dancing lights, no powerpoint presentation of our childhood, neither are there open displays of picture-perfect romance and studio bliss. Did I regret missing the chance to present my "trophy" husband to my relatives and friends? At that time, I saw us in the middle of our struggles in building a better future together. I believed we were not in real social standing to hold a grandiose wedding at a fancy place. It is hard to find sincerity basking in such brief moment of celebrity, when guests have to pay a hefty sum to celebrate our picture-perfect union.

I saw greater priority in my next phase of life- with my man. Hence, I chose to to put my heart and soul on preparing my transpacific journey with him.

It was an amazing personal exploit. I was glad to be able to break my bond, and reach US in time that year- to celebrate US’s Independence Day- which marked liberty for me as well. Liberty from the conformist system and L regime, most importantly, I gained emancipation from several raw episodes of my existence. Bracing for the roaring plane takeoff, in tears of joy and hope, marked a brand new chapter of my life.

Nevertheless, I left Singapore, with mixed emotions- hard to let go of certain baggages. Social pressures made me uncomfortable to reveal I was going to study nursing. I received little moral support and encouragement from family and friends at the point in time. I received words of mere disbeliefs and strong dissuasions. I mean, who in Singapore would say, “Wow, that is a brilliant move, you are breaking your bond to study nursing!” My first sis-in-law being kind as she always is, her words before I boarded the plane: “Return if you don’t like it in US.” Even one of my closest friends asked me recently, “Do you regret being a nurse?” My second sil living in Sg, my age and with an eng degree from Surrey, UK, asked me that too. I understand most Sg folks hold a perception, probably stained by elitism, of my chosen profession. Nursing is about pee and poo, is it not? They fail to see the rewards and whole picture, because it is rather impossible to comprehend how the profession and system work here in the United States.

I had my own inner struggles too. I had a second upper, and a secured rice bowl. The Sg route is predictable- getting married and living in a hdb flat (110 - 130 sq metre living space leased by the government); giving birth in a private hospital; paying an arm (20 times the average montly graduate salary) to own a family car; sending the kids to costly music and activity classes; having live-in maids to take care of the kids; travelling out of Sg (& JB) every 1-2 years for leisure; probably upgrading to a condo, which is one of the status symbols, and more affordable compared to a house; sending the sons to become cannon fodder; sending them to overseas universities (either they cannot make it local or if they want more prestige or further studies) etc. Being right on this route can be stifling, partly because we have to work very hard to afford such a sg-lifestyle. Creativity and my love of life may just weigh down with conforming to the mainstream.

Am I better off if I stay where I am, or if I go to America, perhaps living the American Dream- something bigger, something that provides more opportunities and self-governance? I won’t be able to know if I don’t gather courage and venture out of my comfort zone, and see it for myself- what’s out there.

No system is perfect. Each country has its issues. However, we feel we are rewarded reasonably here, given the same number of working hours. My husband finds pride and vigor in his profession. He believes he won’t receive such treatment and fulfillment in Singapore. Even if you do not take into account the exchange rate (say US$1=S$1), we find cost of living here lower than that in the city state- considering the remunerations, costs of savings for retirement, and costs of commodities in the basket. We are able to live in a 210 sq metre home, in a neighborhood with quality schools for our kids, even if I will to choose not to work. The quality of life is something to reckon with.

To come to where we are now is no easy feat. There are no diamonds falling from the sky or growing in the ground (anyway, "Diamond is forever" is an overstatement and a marketing ploy by De Beers). Like many others, both my husband and I have made many personal sacrifices. We do bruise ourselves and lose some. Nevertheless, we gain some along the way. It is like playing a gamble, or a monopoly game. Just like the song in “Those were the days”- we live the life we choose, we fight, but “never lose” is not the right way to end the phrase.

I would remind our children of the struggles and milestones we make everyday. Coming from families of migrants, we could be the first generation of migrants to US in our own family tree, and they are not to dream of holding a silver spoon in the mouth.

P.S. Scientists all over the world are now fervently warning the effects of global warming and devastations in 30-40 years. Can we pass our dreams on?

I came across this blog @ http://iantan.org/?p=448#comments

This seemed to be one of the ways I'd emailed my peers who are residing in Singapore. I thought, hey, people could be thinking the same way as the writer, and thought I was being hypocrite, or trying to show people- hey I am still living large in the United States, when I sincerely want to know how they are doing.

When I first came to America 3 years ago, I was taken aback by “How are you?” statements that greeted me so often. I thought the same way as those reflected by the writer.

This is considered a culture shock to newcomers, like me from the city-state. However, I got used to it after some time. This is actually a friendly statement, like saying an extended “Hello” over the phone. You can just say “Good, you?” or you can just say,” oh boy, what a traffic out there”, or you can say “not too well actually.” It is nice to be noticed. At least, they greet each other, sometimes throwing in some humor at the same time. In Singapore, I wonder if strangers even say anything to each other in the lift.

Hence, I am not surprised if such greeting is used in email/phone call/person, which I use myself. To tell you the truth, I am ready to hear whatever reply that follows, even if the person is complaining what a bad day he or she has. The thing is how open the receiver to “How are you” sender is at that point in time.