I was reading the most recent Times article. According to a set of newly published letters, Mother Theresa, protraying a public image of cheer and God-loving, was in fact questioning the presence of God.

 

"Jesus has a very special love for you. As for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great that I look and do not see, listen and do not hear," the missionary wrote to one confidant, Reverend Michael Van Der Peet, in 1979.

 

In more than 40 letters spreading over 66 years, the nun who devoted her life to working with the poor in the slums of India, writes of the "darkness," "loneliness" and "torture" she is undergoing.

 

"Where is my Faith -- even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness and darkness -- My God -- how painful is this unknown pain -- I have no Faith," she wrote in an undated letter addressed to Jesus.

 

Mother Theresa wondered whether she was engaged in verbal deception. She spoke in public as if she was very much in love with God, but her inner state spoke of another. What hypocrisy, she said to an adviser.

 

I guess, if she had left the faith openly because of her personal doubts in God, it will deliver a catastrophic blow to the religion.

 

The bible has so many translations, versions, branches and revisions. I personally feel one bible is akin to a book of fairy tales. I quote Mother Thersea's words," I look but do not see."

 

Seeing so much suffering among the people she served, one doubts the presence of 'God'-  which, some believe privately and secretly, was possibly created by mankind in the desperate need of hope that makes living through extreme suffering easier.

 

That's why this is all called faith. If one believes and derives hope wholly from the bible, one will find more credibility, solace and less anger in oneself. Perhaps, that's why Mother Theresa put up a God-loving public image as she did not want to jeopardize the whole institution, divide the people and take hope, the very essence of life, away from the believers.

 

 

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